"The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead."
Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

 When we left the hospital on Friday, July 26th in the evening, Jud's weight was 6 lbs. 2 oz., which we were completely okay with.  We knew babies lost weight after they are born, and we knew it was nothing to worry about.  However, after we got him home he started acting different.  He seemed more fussy and hungry, then I would try to feed him and wouldn't be able to keep him awake.  Then he would be screaming and sad again and we'd start the whole process over.  

I was starting to worry and feel like something was off.  We had a check up appointment Sunday afternoon and I was curious and anxious to ask them some questions and let them know about my concerns.  Jud screamed the entire hour into Billings, I sat in the back with him and was totally unsuccessful in consoling him in any way.  So pretty much we both cried on the way in.  They had us put him on the scale and his weight was 5 lbs. 8 oz.  The Doctor was concerned since it was over the percentage of weight loss they like to see.  We were meeting with the lactation specialist anyway that day so he sent her in to talk with us.  After talking with her for a couple of minutes we told her about some operations I had and the fact that I have PCOS.  She immediately thought those facts played into the babies weight loss.  I wasn't producing enough milk.  She had us get a pump and wanted us to begin supplementing with formula with a syringe for the next 24 hours to see if any differences were made and wanted to see us the next day.

We went in the next day and his weight was up 5 lbs. 12 oz.  We were excited to see it coming up.  Then she had me nurse Jud, and wanted to weigh him again.  His weight was the same, meaning this mom was un-intentionally underfeeding her child.  I felt terrible, but hopeful we'd be able to figure things out.  I really wanted to have the experience of breastfeeding and bonding with my cute baby, like you hear your are supposed to.  We bought a supplemental nursing system to go along with our pump, and I turned into a milk factory.  Except I still wasn't producing even close to what he needed.  We met with the lactation specialists on his week mark, his weight was up 6 lbs. 10 oz., but his diet was mostly formula.  We had to make the decision to stop trying to breastfeed since it was very stressful for him because he wasn't getting enough milk, and was sad and frustrated the entire time, which made me sad and very frustrated.  So I still feel like a milk cow sitting at my pump (my cute mom has nick named me "Bessy"), but we are using a bottle and still using formula.  It was hard for me to come to this conclusion because at first it wasn't even something I thought I would need to worry about it.  But after a priesthood blessing and some prayer I felt at peace once we finally decided to make the change.  I realized I wouldn't be a bad mom if I wasn't able to nurse my cute baby.  


Jennica said...

I wasn't been able to nurse either of my kids because I didn't produce enough milk. I was super stressed about it at first at felt so guilty. It took me a while, but really it was so much easier for me to use formula. It is different for everyone, but it made our lives a whole lot easier when I stopped trying and worrying about it.

Megan J. Dawson said...

I'm glad you didn't stress out too much about the breast feeding! It can be hard, and sometimes just better to formula feed. He is the cutest little guy! Good luck with little Jud :)

Shannon said...

He is adorable! I love the sweater over him for his first ride home.

Nursing is so, so hard. I tried with Beau for the first three months and it was difficult. I wish I would have just bottle fed from the first and save me stress and allow me to enjoy just being with my baby and not stressing over the feeding situation.

So happy for the two of you.

Fox said...

O I'm so sorry, what a rough start. Nursing is so much harder than it should be. I love seeing pictures of this little guy.

Matt and Jess said...

I'm so happy for you guys, Jud is such a little stud! I had a similar story to everyone who commented above:) I'm sure that Jud still feels the love from you guys just the same with being bottle fed!