Happiness is being a Jenkins

Dear Hormones......

2012-01-03T16:07:00.001-07:00

C.O.M.E. O.N.

Enough Already. Get it together.....!!!!!

Sincerely,

Basket-case

Today I am Grateful for:

2012-01-03T00:21:00.002-07:00

1. Austin
2. Primary Songs
3. My Piano
4. Soda Pop
5. Tomorrow....so I can try again.

2011-12-01T20:03:00.003-07:00

I was chatting with my sister Whit today and then got to talk to Hallie for a second. I asked her if she was getting ready for Christmas.

She said, "Yes. I was an elephant. Trick or treat!"

It's a boy...

2011-12-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

We are super excited to have a brand new nephew straight from Heaven. Austin's sister Jolene delivered baby #4 on Tuesday morning. Just wish we lived closer so we could hold and snuggle.

Collin Scott Young

Jenkins grandbaby #15.

Rocky Mountain High.....

2011-11-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

So after our week long veg-fest we landed in Boise right before midnight. My good friend Amber picked us up from the airport and drove us home. Where everything except our kitchen and food was packed and ready to go in the garage. We woke up around 6, hurried to pick up our U-haul and get it loaded. Once we got back I started with the food while Aust started loading the U-haul. Luckily his friend Don from work came over and quickly helped him load the big stuff in.

We found this is our freezer.....It's survived a handful of moves , and Aust told me it was time.

But he came up with a good idea.....

Finally we were on our way to Utah.

We stayed at Austin's parents house for the night. Loaded up the jeep and took off to the valley to pick up all the stuff we had stored at my parents house. Along with our traveling buddies.

Somewhere in Wyoming....

Deac thought this was Austin's truck, and would get super excited whenever he would see Austin and his dad. Jordan even told me that a couple weeks after they were back home they drove past a U-haul and Deac said, "Look Austin's truck."

Deacon began exploring as soon as we got there.

Taking a little break playing at the little park.

Day 2: We drove downtown to have dinner at Bubba Gumps.

These paddles kept the Deac-ster busy the whole time.

Super early Monday morning Aust flew to California for some training. We made one last trip to the park, grabbed some lunch and headed to the Airport again.

We couldn't have done it without these guys!

Cancun...(the end)

2011-11-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

We were super sad to leave. Mostly because we knew we had a lot of work ahead of us. But we had a blast and loved spending all that lazy time together.

After checking out waiting for our ride to the airport.

Trying to catch just a little more sun before we left.....

Goodbye Mexico......Hello Colorado

Cancun...(the middle)

2011-11-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love.Love.LOVE the beach. There is nothing better than reading a book on the beach, getting tan. All day. Love it! And that was basically all we did. We did make one exception and went on a snorkeling excursion, where no pictures were taken for some reason. But other than that we were lounging on beach chairs. We didn't even take a dip in any of the pools.

We did a little boogie boarding. I did show Austin up in that skill area.

We would look for these little guys on our way to dinner.

What a hottie!

Cancun....(the beginning)

2011-11-15T22:53:00.001-07:00

Two days after school was out for the year we packed our house up (literally) and packed our bags for Mexico. We left super duper early in the morning and took a taxi to the airport. Only my second time in a taxi cab, and in Eagle, Idaho of all places.

Super cute picture at the airport in Phoenix.

I wanted to take pictures throughout the week of this bouquet to see how pretty it was at the end of the week. However, I wasn't very faithful.

Austin on our outside patio-ish area.

One of our first walks down the beach. Austin was pointing to our room, but I had to use a handy-dandy arrow to help.

I always think these towel creations are nerdy, until I am on a cruise or trip where they magically appear in your room. Then I find myself looking for them and taking pictures of all of them.

Aust enjoying some fresh fruit....he couldn't get enough, and kept mumbling between bites about eating fresh fruit on his mission.

Sleepless in Seattle....

2011-11-15T22:16:00.001-07:00

Last March Austin was working in Kent, Washington for about 6 weeks. He was able to come home most weekends...but I also got to take one weekend and go up to visit him. It was my first trip to Washington and I loved it. It was super beautiful and green.

I had heard from some friends at work that the Underground Tour was a must. It sounded super fun and exciting, and I was kind of embarrassed but super thrilled when after the tour started I realized I had watched an episode of Ghost Hunters filmed there (I'm kind of a nerd for ghost hunting shows).

We walked down by the water.

We then walked to the Space Needle. A lot farther away than we initially thought, but we eventually made it.

The next day we decided to drive to Northwest Trek Wildlife Park. It wasn't what we expected, but we had fun. On the way there I spotted this big guy just chillin'. I had to beg Austin to turn around so we could take some pictures. He wasn't super thrilled about it at first (I am always asking to stop or turn around for a picture), but he did, and it was totally worth it.

Some black bears

By this point Aust was getting more and more excited to get his picture taken.

I had a little experience with a badger when I was in the 5th grade.....they have since fascinated (but mostly terrify) me. My sisters always liked to tease me about it, so I just had to get a picture with this one.

I just keep wishing this picture would stop being blurry....but it isn't working.

This car came to a complete stop....as you should at a red light. But usually you don't stop in the middle of the intersection. Austin even left them some room for backing up. But clearly they were more comfortable in right in the middle where they were less likely to get hit by another vehicle.

Austin came out of the bathroom rockin' a missionary part. He just walked out and sat on the bed waiting for me to notice. I laughed.

Lunch before I caught my plane home.

At the airport

One last picture of him driving away before I went inside.

It was a super fun weekend.

2011-11-15T11:11:00.000-07:00

Back in August I asked Austin if I made a new duvet cover and pillows for our bed if we could get a down comforter. I've been obsessed with getting one for quite a while now. So I finally (mostly) finished it. My next little thing is to finish the night stands and shelves. But the bed is mostly done...

2011-11-06T22:24:00.001-07:00

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Excerpt from Marianne Williamson's Return to Love, Harper Collins, 1992

Magnitude of Gratitude....

2011-11-06T22:06:00.009-07:00

Earlier this week a member of the relief society presidency called and asked if I would share an experience in my life that has taught me gratitude. Easy, peasy, I thought. There are a lot of things I have learned and that have taught me gratitude. However, I was surprised how quickly my mind kept returning to the same experiences and thoughts.

First I was thinking of my cute dad. The poor guy was "blessed" with 5 daughters. But luckily he taught us to hike and love the outdoors, and even accompany him on some hunting excursions. We played contact sports and were shown strategic ways to use our smaller sizes to our advantage. I'll never forget how proud he was of me when I got my first yellow card. Seriously, welcome to "Green Family Olympics" where daughters and sisters compete in girly events such as arm wrestling, push up/sit up competitions, pull ups, wall sits, foot races etc. etc. He taught us how to be "tuff", to "walk it off" and to be strong. Those experiences from my younger years helped me a lot all throughout my jr. high and high school years, especially when it came to playing soccer and volleyball (and my attempt at track). But they also helped me to be strong in other areas....sometimes I think I tried to look or act a little too strong when I should have asked for help, or asked someone older and wiser for advice.

Lately I have been struggling and have been super down in the dumps (no pun intended for the strapping garbage man I call, "husband"). I found myself feeling sorry for myself, and then realizing what I was doing, I would justify my feelings, simply adding to my doom and gloom.

But then the phone call came....what experience has taught me gratitude?

I began thinking about our struggles to become parents and start a family. Sometimes I feel like the thoughts and confusion consume me until I am nothing but a sad excuse of a wife in the same sweats from yesterday.....like I walk by my closet of clothes meticulously organized by color and say, "hey guys, remember me? I used to get ready for the day, but now why bother? I'm not going anywhere anyways. Except to the mailbox, and if I look both ways and run quick, no one will even see me. I don't even need shoes." Which is fine, every once in a while, but not on a consistent basis. Anyways, enough with my wardrobe conversations. It seems like I'm used to get my feelings hurt or become upset with our current fertility issue quite easily.....almost expectantly. Someone would say something or compare me to someone or themselves and I would go home and be so angry I would just cry. What happened to the "tuff" girl my dad raised? The girl who didn't let anybody push her around on the soccer field, or gave her best on the volleyball court? (track cannot be included since it was mostly used to get a head start on my tan for the summer.)

As all my feelings and thoughts were running around in my mind this week, my thought process began to change. I remembered my dad sending me a book while I was away at school called The Peacegiver by James L. Ferrell. I absolutely loved this book. I had never really known other aspects of the Atonement other than that the Savior paid for my sins. At the time I did not realize that the Atonement encompasses so much more than that. The Savior knows our sorrows, feels the pains of our trails, he felt the sting of being hurt or wronged by someone else. He knows how I feel. And if I let Him, He will take those pains, hurt, and tears of mine away.

I thought about all those times when I was hurt by something someone had said, or when I became offended when someone told me they knew how I felt with my fertility issues. I tried to be "tuff" and smile and take the advice and stories, but inside I wasn't feeling so "tuff". I was feeling hurt, angry, offended.

However, I have been reflecting on these situations for several days now. And instead of judging someone for what they had said to me, thinking my situation was so much worse than theirs how could they even try to compare with my situation. I began to see things a little bit differently. I found out when I use the Atonement, I don't have to put on a "tuff" face anymore.

I have so many blessings. I have truly been blessed with experiences and opportunities that have made me a better person. So why ruin all that with negativity? How much better was I when I compared my situation to someone else's, trying to prove I have it worse? Someone who was only trying to empathize or sympathize with me. Should I become angry or hurt by them because I didn't like their word choice? Or maybe they were a little condescending....but I can't change them or how they feel. But I can change and control the way I intake the information or conversation. I was SO.WRONG. to think my situation is worse than a mother who has children, but is now having a hard time becoming pregnant again. And before anyone in particular thinks I am pointing the finger at them, I'm not. Who an I to judge your feelings and your situation And I apologize to you, even though you may not have known I had some of these feelings. I, not you, was wrong. I do not know your whole situation. I do not know the pains you as an individual are suffering. So with my attitude changed I would hope to be a good friend during these conversations we have about our similar situations. And if our situations are not similar I hope to be a good listener.....sometimes we all just need a good listener.

And during this month of Thankfulness and family, I would like to say that I am and will forever be THANKFUL for my Savior and the Atonement. Because without it I would not be able to turn to Him for comfort and solace, for strength and peace of heart and mind, for patience in the unknown and questions. When I turn all my heartache, grief, and trials over to Him, I find I am able to focus on the things that I do have, not that my heart doesn't ache for the precious little fingers and toes I don't get to count right now, but that I am able to find comfort in the fact that He feels that same ache for me. And one day when I have extra appendages to count, that day will be that much sweeter. And hopefully the gratitude I feel for the blessings I do have, right here, right now, this very moment in my life will not only linger, but become stronger.

Where can I turn for peace?

Where is my solace when other sources

Cease to make me whole?

When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,

I draw myself apart, searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,

Where when I languish, where in my need to know

Where can I run?

Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?

Who, who can understand? He, only One.

He answers privately,

Reaches my reaching

In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.

Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.

Constant he is and kind, love without end.

One project down....

2011-11-02T14:06:00.000-06:00

I've been working on a couple projects lately. One being to finish the front room. We're pretty much there...if you don't count the boxes hiding behind my awesome zebra chair.

Before:

The coffee table was Grandpa and Denise's, then Ken and Mari's, then Mari gave it to us.

I forgot to get a before picture of the end table, but it's behind the coffee table.

After:

Our front room is just about finished. I just have a couple things I'd like to do. But I think I'll take a break for a minute.

It's snowing!

2011-10-25T23:35:00.001-06:00

There's nothing like the first snow storm of the year.

P.S. remember the abominable snowman?

Dear Craigslist....

2011-10-25T14:39:00.004-06:00

Dear So-in-so,
I posted an ad on craigslist stating I was offering piano lessons.....that was it. Please stop sending me the same message over and over. I am not going to tutor your 16 year old son, when he is here on vacation from the UK. And, no I wont be sending you any of my personal information so you can pay me ahead of time. It is very clever to send the exact same email, from 13 or so different email addresses, I didn't respond the first time for a reason. I'm on to you.

Thanks.....but no thanks!

Sincerely,
Disgruntled Piano Teacher

P.S. I miss ksl.com

2011-10-25T14:09:00.004-06:00

I had to re-post this post from my friend Carly's blog ( no words, she re-posted from this blog C.Jane Enjoy It) . It has helped me change my attitude over the last week. And believe me, I needed a little attitude adjustment/kick in the pants. The fact of the matter is we all have our struggles and trials....or attitude and gratitude for the things we do have make all the difference. I don't think our trials necessarily get easier or magically disappear, but when I finally decided to change my attitude I could see the same trial in a different light. Another thing I have come to realize over the past 3 1/2 years, is that my trial is particular to me, even though others may suffer with fertility, they have other situations in their lives that make their fertility or infertility particular to them. I feel like it's very different from the flu or strep throat....there is not a cure-all method. Something that worked for the neighbor's sister-in-law's cousin's best friend may have worked for them, but it may not work for me, and vice versa, and that's okay too. So, I apologize if I forgot to call you and wish you a "happy mother's day", really I sincerely do, and hope you had a fabulous mother's day. Honestly I was probably feeling guilty for not attending sacrament meeting that day because I didn't want to accept the mother's day gift, "because someday I will be a mother", and was being all together selfish, and having a weak moment. I don't feel angry or bitter towards others who become pregnant. I am happy for you....really I am.

My mom referred me to an article from the April 2011 Ensign (Faith and Infertility), and one quote in particular has been on a post it ever since......

“When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting.”

Bottom line, the Lord knows us better than we know ourselves, and He does know exactly what I am going through. Whatever is supposed to happen with my little family will happen.....when it's supposed to happen. I just need to make sure I am being the best I can be so I am ready when it does.

Infertility is so much more than...
not having a baby in your arms.

That's why you can't hand your crying baby to the infertile woman at church and say things like, "Here, this will make you feel better. Aren't you glad you don't have to put up with this?"

The woman experiencing infertility doesn't want your baby. Certainly, your baby is squishy and lovely (even when crying) and smells so nice, but that's not it. That's not even a consolation.

Nor is saying to your infertile neighbor, "You should just adopt. If you adopt I swear you'd get pregnant. It's happened to like, three of my friends/relatives/coworkers."

Because, that's not it either. It's not about achieving some ends to a means. It's not about belittling adoption so you can achieve a pregnancy.

And adoption is not a scientific cure for infertility--and it's not an emotional cure either.

Infertility is an all encompassing state of being. It has the force to completely take over the core of a woman's belief about who she is and what she is capable of. It's not about having a biological baby or an adopted baby or a foster baby, it's about feeling whole even if no baby ever comes at all.

It's about overcoming those days when you are called to repentance (by well-meaning family members, or ladies at church) for "lacking the faith to conceive" or for being selfish because "what is taking you so long to have a baby?"

It's being able to love your body even though it's not functioning in a fertile way. It's about ignoring the statements like, "if you lost weight you'd get pregnant," or "the clock is ticking! you're getting too old," or "I don't know what the problem is, my husband looks at me wrong and I'm pregnant!"

It's the determination that no matter how family-friendly our culture is, or how valuable we pronounce motherhood or how we like to say well-meaning things like, "we're all mothers!" that the truth is we are all daughters of a loving Heavenly Father. And that isolated characteristic is mighty powerful in its own course. Anything else added to it is cherry, but not necessary for our eternal self-esteem.

My own battle with infertility ripped me apart. In those heavy years I felt every emotion given to mankind to feel. Jealously like a furious ocean. Anger, rage and self-directed disappointment. It wasn't just the inability to conceive, it was the inability to believe in myself.

There was a lot of misunderstanding everywhere I went.

BUT. There is a belief structure that we preach in our church based on a scripture in the Book of Mormon it says:

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

If we come unto Christ, He will make our weaknesses strengths.

I'm not talking about being infertile for five years and then pregnant for the next four (which, as it turns out has happened in my experience). My weakness wasn't infertility which was washed away by strong fertility.

My weakness was not seeing who I really was, with or without a baby. I could only see myself as a person who wanted. I was incomplete. And upon getting (miraculously) pregnant I didn't suddenly understand, but somehow along the way I could see how the Lord took me by my hand and showed me my strength:

I am a daughter of God, and therefore entitled to intelligence, creativity, joy, inspiration and beyond. These are my strengths. Real strengths.

That is not to say there aren't residual wounds that came because of that inner turmoil (I am still working on forgiving some of those "helpful" remarks . . .) I feel I'll never get over the entire experience completely. And I suppose this is a post easier to write on the eve of having my third child. But I remember saying to myself during those extremely lonely years, "I want hope more than I want a baby." I didn't mean hope that someday I'd conceive, I meant hope that someday it wouldn't be so painful to be me.

This past week I was asked by Studio 5 to be a guest on their Sensitivity Training segment. They asked me to speak about how to talk to someone experiencing infertility. During the interview I said a phrase I didn't get to really explain "there's light at the end of the tunnel." It sounds so cliche and trite out of context. I didn't mean conception.

I meant: the light at the end of the tunnel comes when the light inside of yourself illuminates who youreally are, and what you're really capable of.

That's when infertility becomes less about having a baby in your arms and more about gratitude for having experienced it.

Happy Birthday Austin....

2011-10-17T23:07:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow is my cute husbands 28th birthday. When he turned 27, I told him that 27 was basically 30.....so happy 30th birthday again Aust! You're the best husband ever, and I am so thankful I get to spend forever with you.

P.S. Thanks for turning around, even when you really didn't want to so I could take this hilarious picture of the cow on our Seattle trip, it was totally worth it. You're the best.

Auto-Pilot.....

2011-09-15T13:03:00.002-06:00

My cute husband works so hard to take care of us.....sometimes he seems like he's on automatic pilot.

These days husband is super tired all the time and will fall asleep if sitting down for any extended period of time. He usually goes to bed between seven and eight. I went up to bed around 9:45, and wasn't super tired (shocker), and was sitting in bed sewing and watching tv.....quietly. Before I go any further I must reinforce how quickly Aust goes to sleep and how he really is a sound sleeper. After I had been upstairs for about a half hour or so when all of a sudden he sits up in bed and look around. I just sat quietly watching him. Then he stands up still looking around....I still was just watching/anticipating. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door....then I heard the shower door open. I started laughing and decided it was time to intervene, before he got all ready for work after only a couple hours of sleep.

So funny! Don't worry he quickly fell back asleep in seconds.....even as I continued to giggle.

The Mailbox....

2011-07-24T22:52:00.000-06:00

Since moving to Colorado I have loved checking my mailbox. Not that I have ever been expecting anything exciting or anything. I guess it was just something for me to look forward to everyday.

Late last night I realized I hadn't checked and went out in the dark to check.

My sister-in-law Irene sent me a package that seriously meant a lot to me. It's always nice to get an extra something in the mail...but it was totally something I needed to see yesterday...so,

Thanks Irene! You're the best!

2011-07-23T18:31:00.003-06:00

Austin has been sick for the entire month of July.....super sad face.

2011-07-14T22:47:00.006-06:00

I really enjoy being married to someone who cracks me up. Especially when I've had a long weird day.....all by myself, and still in sweatpants. Rock on!

{I never even went out to get the mail. sad-face.}

It would be such a bummer to have married someone without a sense of humor.

Weekend in Utah....

2011-07-12T23:57:00.008-06:00

We went to Utah for a weekend during October last year. Austin needed to get all his gear together and ready for his hunt. While we were there Aust went golfing at Wolf Creek with his dad. So I hung out with Jordie, Steve, and Deac during their game. I told Aust to call us when they were at the green right above my parent's house....he did and I took Deac outside so we could wave. It took him a minute to see where Aust was. Once he spotted him he said, "Okay, let's go..." and started walking that direction. We stayed in the yard, but....

....they got to hang out and eat chips later.

We stopped by Erik and Kelli's house. Our timing wasn't super great. Erik was headed out to a Elder's Quorum meeting, but we got to play with the kids and talk with Kelli outside for a while.

But we made good use of our time.

Austin played soccer with Hannah, Cam, and Kate.

Kate and Cam....

Always a good trip when family is involved.

2011-07-12T21:30:00.008-06:00

So the weather in Colorado is crazy! However, I am absolutely love, love, LOVING it! I thought the weather in Utah changed fast. It will be super sunny and a hot 90 degrees and then all of a sudden some clouds roll in and we will have a full on downpour. We have basically had severe {hurricane style} rain/thunder/lightning storms every day since I have come back from Utah for the 4th. Guarantee Austin and I have seen more lightning this past week than our whole marriage. There have even been several tornado sirens going off in certain areas and flash floods. A couple of days a go I had to take refuge in a Ross store. I guarantee I bought more than I intended to, and ended up taking a lot of it back after I got home because a lot of it didn't even work out like I thought it would. I don't know why I was refusing to leave, I was already completely soaked. Later I got home and watched the news. Cars were stranded in several feet of water in the middle of the road, basically all traffic was completely stopped.

We basically live right in the middle of the pink area north east of Denver....and it's crazy right now! I actually just came inside from our front porch. I had to take video because somehow, my darling husband has managed to sleep through all the thunder and lightning. I have no idea how, but now I have proof.

I am not one for gloomy overcast weather....but a good thunderstorm, for sure!

7.11.2007

2011-07-11T23:06:00.005-06:00

Four years ago today we were married.

The time has gone by so fast. But it's been so much fun so far. Through all the trials and hard times, we have leaned on each other. But the good times have far out numbered the hard.

Here's to many more.

LotoJa 2010

2011-07-08T00:13:00.021-06:00

Last year (October 2010) Austin and I drove to Utah. Austin was going to be the support crew for his brother Erik while he road in the LotoJa race. Kelli was a couple weeks away from delivering Avery, so I rode along with her while her parents, Chad and Cindy followed along behind us. It was fun to watch Erik and all the other bikers. I tip my hat to anyone willing to attempt such a feat.

Before we left that morning I hurried up to Eden to visit with Jordie and Deacon for about a half hour or so.

We left Ogden around 9:30 and were calling Austin all morning. He was giving us updates and letting us know where Erik was at. We couldn't believe how fast Erik was riding. We kept missing him at all the checkpoints.

Kelli may in fact be the only person who can truly appreciate these pictures. I took them because I was in such desperate need of a restroom. Traffic was at a dead standstill for a very, very long time, and it actually took us several hours to get to a gas station. I was really bothered these men could relieve themselves when I couldn't. This was their punishment. Yes, I took pictures to spite these guys I don't even know. Oh, well.

King of the Hill

After a while all the kids were a little bit stir crazy and ready to get out of the car. Cameron took the following pictures with my camera. It seemed to help his boredom, at least for a while.

He took at least 20 pictures.

We finally caught up to Erik a couple miles outside of Alpine, Wyoming.

The kids were super excited to be able to get out of the car and see their dad!

Giving the kids a hug before taking off up the canyon...

After Erik left I jumped in the car with Austin to run over to my sister's house. My dad and grandpa had been hunting up the Greys River and were heading home. We visited with them for about a half hour and then jumped back in the car toward Jackson.

We caught up to him about a couple of miles out from the finish line. Austin was getting anxious about missing the finish, so when we got to the finish line I let him out and went to park the car so he could run down and watch Erik finish.

All in all it was a super fun trip. Thanks Erik and Kelli for letting us tag along with you.

2011-07-06T00:02:00.005-06:00

Sometimes my husband talks in his sleep.....and I feel guilty, only because it makes me so happy.

Tonight he sat up and started looking around the bed. He was patting the sheets and everything. I told him to lay down. He told me he was looking for the black thing. I asked what black thing. He told me the black thing you play games on. I asked if he was all the way awake and he told me yes. Poor guy, has been so sick the past couple of days, maybe it's the cough syrup talking. I guess we'll see in the morning whether he remembers our little conversation or not.

Greys River Elk Hunt 2010

2011-07-05T20:10:00.013-06:00

Austin, my dad, and Jason Bradford drew out on the Greys River rifle hunt last year.

I'll let the pictures tell you how excited Austin was the couple of weeks before the hunt.

(don't look so excited Aust!)

He said he was just testing everything out making sure it worked okay.

Jason took his daughter Maddie, and my dad convinced Emma into tagging along to take care of the horses. I'm sad I don't have any pictures of Emmy, but here are a few they took.

What a hottie.....woot, woot!

They didn't end up getting anything. But they had a good time.

Aust went up the next weekend with his dad. It ended up snowing on them, and they didn't really see anything either. But it didn't really matter. They just like to spend time together.

14 years ago.....

2011-07-05T20:08:00.002-06:00

....this picture was taken.

(It's obviously a picture of a picture.....but it's fun to remember.)

Serious Catching Up....

2011-07-05T17:27:00.001-06:00

So I am way behind on a lot of fun memories and experiences....thus we're playing "catch up".

Jordan Sessions Photography

2011-07-05T12:30:00.015-06:00

She's good.

....Right? And as luck would have it......she's my little sister.

Sometimes....

2011-07-05T12:25:00.003-06:00

Our new bishop and second counselor came over last night to visit with us for a little while. The conversation was fun and we were able to talk about the connections we have with the Bishop's family in Utah. We talked a lot about politics and Austin's new job. It was all going okay until the bishop asked me what I would be doing. I feel like I usually handle these questions with relative ease, but for whatever reason I just didn't want to explain the whole situation again. I stammered and stuttered that I didn't know what I would be doing, trying to justify why I didn't need to have a full time job right now. In all reality I probably only stammered for seconds.....but it felt like I'd been carrying on for a half hour. Finally I looked to Austin to "save me". He quickly explained we'd been having a hard time getting pregnant and that I would probably be staying home in order to have time to figure things out. He told them we'd been getting set up for adoption through LDS Family Services before we'd left Idaho and that we'd been thinking lately about foster care.

I was so surprised with myself. I feel like I usually can quickly explain the situation with ease and not really show any emotion or the stress I feel. As they were leaving the bishop shared a scripture with us. I have heard it before, but I think it took on new meaning for me last night.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:

and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's hard when you see young families playing together. Sometimes it's hard when a child at school calls you, "mom" instead of, "Miss Shawnee". Sometimes it's hard when people tell you they know how you feel because they know someone who knew someone who had the "exact" same problem. Sometimes it's hard when people are shocked you aren't working full time. Sometimes it's hard and you don't go to Sacrament Meeting on Mothers' Day Sunday because you don't want to be given the potted plant because "someday you will be a mother". Sometimes people tell you, "Don't do foster care. Some of those kids come with a lot of baggage. It would be super hard." Don't those kids need someone to love them? I know all the sometimes will pass, and my time will come. I am willing to wait, but if in the meantime all I am doing is waiting, am I showing faith?

Someday all my sometimes will go away. And in the mean time, I may not be working full time.....please don't judge me. If I work full time, all my sometimes will remain "sometimes" and being a mother will always be "someday".

President Monson gave a talk titled Showing the Love in Your Heart

Love causes change. Love brings healing to the soul. But love doesn't grow like weeds or fall like rain.

Jesus taught, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another". (John 13:34)

...Love had three different meanings: (1) It is a feeling in your heart. (2) It is a word you can say. (3) It is an action. The best way to show the love you feel in your heart is to tell others you love them and do something nice for them too.

It may not make sense to some. If I am working full time, yes I may be bringing in a pay check, but I can't put the time and effort into doctor's appointments, researching the best way to either get pregnant or finding other ways to build our family. But by me staying home, at least part time, I feel I am showing my love and a little bit of faith to my Heavenly Father, my husband, and my future family because I am doing all I can in order to get my future family here.

Grateful....

2011-06-29T23:30:00.003-06:00

My cute husband works so dang hard. He seriously is the best and takes such good care of us. His new work hours are to say the least, brutal. He gets up in enough time to be to work at 3:30. We quickly have found that me being a night owl, this creates a problem. I decided I was going to run to the store around 5:30. Aust told me he was going to take a nap for about an hour and then we would hang out before he went to bed. I came back and he was totally out. I couldn't bring myself to wake him back up.

He is such a stud!

The Beach....

2011-06-28T23:58:00.001-06:00

Don't you just want to go to the Beach and hang out with this cute girl?

I do.

2011-06-28T00:08:00.005-06:00

Does she have Grandpa wrapped around her finger?

I think YES!

Such a cute grandpa, and an amazing dad. Everybody jokes that he finally has boys now that there are son-in-laws around. But we all know he has a handful of "daddy's girls" and is a big softy when it comes to his girls.

Love you so much daddy! Higher than the flags.

It's a small world after all....

2011-06-27T11:53:00.005-06:00

Everyone knows how the first day at a new ward works. Awkward, lots of introducing yourself, etc, etc. So I was surprised when all our meetings were over to find Austin talking to a guy who was giving him directions to a place unknown to me. I soon found out he had invited us to dinner. I couldn't believe it. Usually those conversations happen, but don't always follow through, or at least not that day.

Come to find out the Conover family is fabulous. We had a a lot of fun talking to them. As we were talking about families, Mark asked me where all my sisters lived. When I said one lived in Alpine, WY Lindsay said her sister lived in Alpine. She started texting her sister and later I talked to Whitney. Come to find out not only are they live in the same ward and Lindsay's sister is Whitney's kids' nurse at their pediatrician's office.

Then the world got smaller....

It came up a couple of minutes later that Austin's dad is involved in state politics in Utah. Mark then told us that our new Bishop Valentines father is also involved in politics in Utah. I looked at Austin, he looked at me like, "What?" I said, "Yes we know who John Valentine is.....senator." Then it clicked for him.

Seriously, it's a small world.

50 Golden Years

2011-06-23T13:06:00.005-06:00

This is what it's all about......

Happy 50th Grandma and Grandpa. You're amazing!

2011-06-22T12:28:00.003-06:00

So my mom told me I shouldn't post on here when Austin is out of town so I am safe....and she's right.

But for the record, I don't like being in a brand new city (a huge city) and have my husband leave out of town two days after we are here.

I'm totally fine.....it's just not very fun.

We've Arrived....

2011-06-21T19:33:00.008-06:00

So after all the stressing, loss of sleep, eye twitching (yes, I believe I have developed a twitch from stress/lack of sleep)....we are finally in Colorado.

I feel like everything happened so fast it still feels not totally real.

The following is a play-by-play of our final week in Eagle, Idaho through our move......feel free to stop reading here as this may bore some.

The last day of school was June 9th. Austin and I spent all of Friday packing everything and moving it into our garage so we could easily pack the u-haul. We ended up packing all night Friday. When I say all night I really mean all night. The taxi was scheduled to pick us up at 5:00 am Saturday morning to take us to the airport and we finally got the last things into the garage around 4:30 am. We then spent a glorious week in Mexico, totally relaxing. We flew home to Eagle Friday night, landing at 11:15, and getting home a little after midnight. We pulled out the air mattress, woke at 6:30 to get the u-haul. Austin and his friend from work Don loaded the dang thing while I finished boxing everything up in the kitchen (p.s. I don't care who you are the kitchen is the ABSOLUTE worst think to pack up). We stopped by to say goodbye to aunts, uncles, and cousins and then were on the road to Ogden by 4:30 or so. Arrived in Plain City around 9:30, said goodbyes to nieces and nephews and some brothers and sisters and went to bed around 12:30. Austin got up loaded the remainder of our things and we were off to Eden. Loaded everything we've been storing at my parents house, and we were on the road by 9:30 or so. We finally pulled up to our new house around 7:30.

We are so grateful for all the friends and family who helped us during this move. Whether you helped Austin with vehicles, loaded trucks, picked us up at the airport, let us sleep at your house, stored our things, helped us unload trucks, talked with us on the phone when we were stressed out developing twitches, send supportive text messages, helped us find our new ward, or babysat our only surviving plant while we were in Mexico......we thank you and love, love, love you!

Last Day of School....

2011-06-09T23:15:00.008-06:00

Circus Days

The last couple of the days of the school year are always bittersweet. But all our kiddos from both classes, (25 Monday/Wednesday/Friday and 17 Tuesday/Thursday). The last day of the school is Circus Day and we all get to dress up and have a carnival. So since we have 2 classes we got to dress up two days in a row. It was so much fun. I am going to miss all the kids from my classes and all of the other teachers who quickly became my friends.

Austin stopped in on my lunch break and took this picture of "the lunch bunch" just as we were getting ready to go to Costa Vida. The quality isn't great, but these ladies are fabulous!

We really did go to lunch dressed like clowns. Anneliese wanted to make sure we all drove in the same car so it would look like we were getting out of a clown car. It totally worked. A little girl standing outside the restaurant saw us and her eyes lit up. She got all excited and was freaking out a little. Jodie started talking to her and I totally thought Jodie knew who she was. Later I found out Jodie had no idea who she was, but was just totally being super nice, very Jodie like.

Day #1 with one of my favorite little boys, who just happened to not even be in my class.

Day #2

I am going to miss Challenger School.

2011-06-09T01:01:00.001-06:00

"It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

-Rita Rudner

I miss Emma.....

2011-06-01T21:27:00.003-06:00

2011-06-01T21:24:00.001-06:00

Let the craziness begin......

2011-06-01T00:02:00.002-06:00

June is going to be a crazy month, and I thought May already went by way to fast. Austin has to travel to Denver for a week. He will land back in Boise Friday afternoon. I leave Friday evening to meet my mom and the girls for Time Out for Women in Pocatello. Meanwhile Austin is going to leave Friday to make sure his jeep is up and running and to take the Xterra down to Utah

(sidebar: if anyone is looking to buy a 2002 Nissan Xterra give us a holler).

Austin is going to fly back up to Boise on a Wednesday night. We have to make sure all the odds and ends are packed up and ready to go in the garage so we can leave the following Saturday for Mexico. Get back from Mexico 11:20 Friday night, pick up U-haul Saturday morning drive to Utah. Pack the rest of the crap in U-haul. Leave Sunday morning for Denver. Tuesday Austin will leave me in Denver for a training in California. Austin starts working officially 27th of June. We will leave Friday evening back to Utah for my Grandparents' 50th Wedding Anniversary (CONGRATULATIONS!).

June- exit stage left

Welcome to July, and take a breather....

(Dramatic? Maybe.)

You asked......

2011-05-24T15:59:00.004-06:00

As I was reading an old book to some of the kids in my class the other day called Cat and Dog, I received one of the most literal answers ever. Basically the book is just a simple, funny rhyming book.

Anyways, so the dog in the book told the cat he would turn him into cat pie.

Obviously I asked, "What do you think cat pie tastes like?"

A no nonsense adorable four year old girl in the back stated,

"Blood."

Turning the page and we're moving on......

Our new residence.....

2011-05-19T19:44:00.002-06:00

Last Friday we headed to Denver to see if we could quickly find a place to live. We searched all Friday and I was so sad when we got back to our hotel. To put it nicely the nicest place we saw had a lot of cats. Saturday morning wasn't much better, but finally Saturday afternoon we walked through a couple of places we liked.....and ended up going with this cute townhouse.

Now, it's starting to feel real.

Thinking about going private....

2011-05-08T22:39:00.001-06:00

Let us know if you want an invite....

Mile High City.....here we come!

2011-05-08T22:37:00.002-06:00

We're on the move again.....

33 days and Denver, Colorado will be our new home.

Yes.....I have to keep posting this stuff

2011-04-23T10:51:00.002-06:00

It may be annoying, however I hear some funny stuff at school. Maybe one day I will write that coffee table book. If you find it annoying....oh, well.

Me: Reading, "So Henny Penny, Cocky Locky, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey, and Turkey Lurkey went to tell the king the sky was falling......They went along and they went along and they went along until they met Foxy Loxy...."

4 year old: "Hey Miss Shawnee, see that chicken."

Me: "Yes."

4 Year old: "It's half whit and half black. I have a chicken like that at my house."

Me: "It's called a plymouth rock chicken....." then I was interrupted.

4 year old: "It's name is Obama."

It took all the strength I had not to bust up laughing.

P.S. I did not have to look at the book to type the excerpt.....I pretty much have the entire book memorized. Now I know how my mom felt with The Cat in the Hat.

Sorry Mom!

Ghost Hunters

2011-04-20T22:36:00.004-06:00

So I am a huge nerd for a good ghost hunters or destination truth episode, however I was surprised at recess today when one of the boys in my class said, "Hey Miss Shawnee, we're playing ghost hunters......I saw it on t.v."

Unicorn....really?

2011-04-20T22:10:00.002-06:00

Me: "Okay I have a picture here, I am going to tell you some things about the picture in my hand and I want you to see if you can guess what it is. It lives on a farm. It has four legs."

Hands go up.

Me: "It has a short tail, eats anything and everything...."

More hands go up.

Me: "and has two horns."

Girl on front row-hand shoots up. She is freaking out because she knows the answer. I call on her.

"A unicorn."

2011-04-18T19:51:00.002-06:00

53 days and counting......

Meeting Madison.....

2011-04-02T15:54:00.007-06:00

While Aust was gone I got to spend some time with these cute ladies.

Here is a picture of me and Miss Madison in the NICU. She is so precious.

Maddie and Mommy

Helping get her room ready for when she comes home.

My better side (gag).

Amber and her cute family have become such good friends in a short period of time. I am so glad I get to hang out with them, and have gotten to know them better.

Puppy Love?

2011-04-02T15:46:00.003-06:00

Maybe we should get a puppy. I really want a little something to love and take care of right now. A puppy may be the quickest way to temporary solve my problems.

Something to think about anyways.

2011-04-01T00:56:00.005-06:00

4 year old: "Miss Shawnee, I made this picture for you." (folded in half)

Me: "Awesome, thanks so much! Can I see it?"

4 year old: "Yes,"...dramatic pause..."close your eyes so you'll be surprised, and don't be scared okay."

Me: "Is it a scary picture?"

4 year old: "No."

I love my job. I think I'm going to start recording funny things I hear all day long. Maybe someday I'll write a coffee table book or something. Maybe I'll call it.

Things You Thought Your Preschooler Would Never Say

Maybe not, it's kind of a long title. However, I have heard some things I'm pretty sure so some parents would be shocked to know I know.

Just so you know, they hear and take in EVERYTHING, and are not afraid to share information with anybody.

A couple things I really love....

2011-03-30T20:34:00.011-06:00

Candy canes, new socks, a good joke, good friends, nieces and nephews,

nut rolls,

cinnamon bears,

avocados,

my vacuum,

a good thunderstorm.....

But most of all, my hubby.

So far behind.....

2011-03-28T23:57:00.004-06:00

I just looked through my camera and realized I am so far behind with the major events I want to blog about.....dating back to September and the LotoJa with Erik and Kelli. It totally doesn't seem like it but we really do, do cool stuff.

One of these days, I'll catch up.

In the meantime I am so excited for these last five weeks to be done and over with.

Only 4 days to go.

2011-03-26T13:38:00.002-06:00

Landed in Seattle this morning to spend a weekend with my cute hubby.

Super excited.

The end.

Sugar and spice and everything nice.....

2011-03-23T00:11:00.004-06:00

Tonight I was able to have a little girls night with my friend from work. Amber and her cute family just welcomed an amazing little girl into their family. First we went to Macaroni Grill (super yummy) and then I was able to go with her to the NICU at St. Lukes and see her little Maddie in person. I was so nervous to go. Amber and I have been talking about me going up for a visit with her for a week or so, but I wasn't sure how I would react, and definitely didn't want Amber to think I was a basket case if I totally started bawling or something. Little Maddie is absolutely amazing and beautiful. She was born two weeks ago at 3lbs 7 oz (her due date wasn't until May). I was super nervous when Amber told me I could hold her. However, all the anxiety went away when I sat down with her in the chair. She is so tiny and light....the word I kept thinking and saying was, "precious". It is so amazing to hold a little spirit who is fresh out of Heaven.

Thanks Amber!

I am my own story-topper...duck to coyote

2011-03-22T23:51:00.003-06:00

So yesterday it was a duck......but apparently 11:30 is the best time to got to Winco. First of all no one else is there and second of all you get to follow coyotes through the parking lot. I was pulling out tonight and saw a coyote running right past me. And being the super nerd I am I hurried and flipped around to get a picture on my phone. I quickly took one and decided to turn on my brights and get closer. Well of course as soon as I got close enough to get a pretty sweet picture I couldn't get my phone back to the right mode, oh well.

After I couldn't follow it any more my first thougtht was to call my dad, then I remembered how late it was, so I just called Austin instead. Some of my fondest memories from my childhood were spending time with my mom learning to bake in the kitchen, and spending time with my dad hiking around the mountains. I can still remember the first coyote I remember ever seeing. We were up on top of powder mountain and dad stopping us in our tracks. There was a coyote about 50 yards in front of us. Dad started making some kissing noises and we all just stared at it for what seemed like forever (probably only a matter of seconds, but to a little girl.....) and then it turned and ran away.

The coyote is the white speck to the left of the tree.

2011-03-21T20:05:00.002-06:00

It's so fun to live in an area where you have to stop at the crosswalks for a couple of ducks while they cross the street.

I love my husband.

2011-03-17T00:34:00.001-06:00

Rain, rain go away......

2011-03-16T00:21:00.002-06:00

Seriously, it has not stopped raining and I don't mean sprinkling, complete downpour......so overcast and gloomy, what a downer day.

One of the kiddos at school asked why it was, "dark in the day

time".

It has not stopped.

VISITORS

2011-03-06T20:29:00.003-07:00

So week one finished.

Our weekend went by way to fast, and Austin will be flying out again tomorrow morning at 6:30. But this week he wont be coming home until Saturday night.

Luckily I got a phone call this weekend and my fabulous little sister Whit is going to bring her kiddos up to hang out with me for the week.

Sisters totally rock.

Alma 26:27

2011-03-02T23:59:00.005-07:00

"Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us and said.......bear with patience thine afflictions and I will give unto you success."

Check it out......

2011-02-28T23:29:00.001-07:00

http://www.jordansessions.com/

My cute sister totally rocks!

2011-02-26T22:07:00.003-07:00

Austin and I spent the weekend in McCall, Idaho. It was our first time up there, and was so pretty. We had a blast, I can't believe it's taken us this long to get up there.....just a little get away before his big trip.

Mom always said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder".....

2011-02-25T00:17:00.003-07:00

I am so not looking forward to having my husband gone for the next month. He will be heading up to Kent, Washington early Monday morning.

At least they're flying him home on the weekends.

Anyone who wants to visit me is more than welcome.

What Emma is Learning at School......

2011-02-01T22:01:00.007-07:00

Emmy sent me these pictures of from one of her classes at school.....

Yes, it is a dog, and yes I threw up a little in my mouth when I first realized what she was doing.

I guess veterinarians have to learn somehow.....

.......and to think I tried to talk her into being a teacher.

(Side note no animals were harmed for this science project - I was informed that all animals are donated to the school....died of natural causes.)

No Fair.....

2011-01-28T21:08:00.006-07:00

Sometimes all my sisters go to my parents house (except Emma since she is at BYU-Idaho), and I never get to go. I'm so sad! I would love to see Hallie do the, "Holey pokey one more time".

No fair.

Sometimes my husband falls asleep on the couch at 9:00 on Friday night, and when I try to wake him up he tells me he's awake.....

Double no fair/boring.

Sometimes I realize that I am actually blogging on Friday night at 9:00 and, well......enough said.

Double boring/lame-sauce.

You've got to check this website out.....

2011-01-23T14:38:00.001-07:00

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Spreading the Awkwardness

I love my hubby......

2011-01-16T15:42:00.003-07:00

....and he loves me.

Playing catch up....

2011-01-16T14:52:00.004-07:00

I have so much catching up to do.....I just need more hours in the day.

All grown up.......

2011-01-04T18:14:00.005-07:00

So my baby sister Emma moved to Rexburg, Idaho yesterday to start school at BYU-Idaho. It is hard to believe she is actually that old. Hard to believe I am that old. I was able to stay in Montana with Emma and my parents the week before Christmas. We had a blast and it was so much fun to hang out with Emma before she moved to school. She even let me dye her hair.

(I plan on putting up pictures and such.....however I need to catch up from Halloween)

I am so excited for her. Austin kept laughing at me last night because I couldn't stop talking about it. I actually had to restrain myself from calling her time and time again. She is such an amazing example and such a sweetheart. She will do so awesome.

Love you Emmy!

2010-12-06T22:23:00.002-07:00

Once upon a time my husband left two hours ago to go to the gym. I had to stay home to finish making 35 home made angel ornaments for my classes. Mostly I just want my husband to come back so I can at least have someone to talk to besides my glue gun.

The End.

'Tis the Season.....

2010-12-05T21:58:00.004-07:00

Christmas must be on it's way....I just had to watch Christmas Vacation with my cute husband.

On a brighter note our we bought a Christmas tree and got it decorated.

2010-11-29T08:08:00.001-07:00

Our continual thoughts and prayers go out to little Dakota F. and his family. I have not been able to stop thinking about them. Please add them to your prayers.

Be strong little guy!

Oh the weather outside is frightful......problem is, we have somewhere to go....stop the snow, stop the snow, stop the snow!

2010-11-23T19:22:00.012-07:00

I think my post yesterday should have ended with, "knock on wood".

Nothing like the weather to dampen your Thanksgiving plans......now we're just trying to see if we'll actually be able to get to Montana. I-15 closed, I-84 closed, 180 through Evanston closed (we really wouldn't go through Evanston I'm just trying to be dramatic). Right now our only option is to drive up to Missoula (8 hours) and then over to Roberts (7 hours) and that is with ideal weather conditions, on top of that we can't even leave until 4:00 pm tomorrow.

Not to worry, we are still in a thankful/hopeful mood, even if we don't make it we have a lot to be thankful for.

But I am trying desperately not to freak out. As spread out as we are, our whole entire family only gets together 2-3 times a year. I understand life will go on, but...."ahhhhhh!" seems to sum up my feelings right about now.

Plus if we can't get out of here we were graciously offered a meal with Ken and Mari, which was nice because I had boldly stated to Aust earlier, "If we cant leave we are heading over to Ken and Mari's house invited or not." So needless to say we are grateful for an actual invitation. Nothing like amazing aunts and uncles to save the day.

2010-11-22T23:05:00.002-07:00

Snow or no snow, I am so excited to be in Montana for Thanksgiving.

Counting down the days!

I really, Really, REALLY love candy canes!

2010-11-20T01:07:00.002-07:00

2010-11-17T23:42:00.007-07:00

So you think it'd be super fun and cozy, even dare I say romantic to have a wood burning stove in your bedroom......until you realize you've yet to use it, and the wind whistles like crazy during a storm, which is always when you're super tired but can't sleep, but you really want to be sleeping, if only that noise would stop....

(Let's hear it for run-on sentences)

2010-11-13T19:55:00.001-07:00

7:53 p.m.

He's coming home.....empty handed. Better luck next year.

How do the girls handle hunting season?

2010-11-13T18:20:00.011-07:00

Austin went hunting last month. I will admit when he leaves is usually when I will do a little shopping. He thinks it's just because he is out of town, but I tell him it is because I am at home by myself and have to find something to do.....

Anyways, he headed to the Greys River in Wyoming to go hunting with my dad, Emma and Jason Bradford and his daughter Maddie.

Conveniently, Whit and Aaron live in Alpine right where the Greys river meets up with the Snake. He left on a Wednesday afternoon and was coming home the following Monday. So, I decided to head there after work on Friday and spend the weekend. It didn't dawn on me until the night before he left I most likely wouldn't see him since they were 50 miles down the river. However, it was a fun weekend with 2 of my sisters since Jordie and Steve needed to come up and get some firewood for the winter.

I did however injure two of the three kiddos. Saturday morning I was chasing Deacon around the house and one of the times he turned to run away from me he turned and ran straight into the corner of the wall. He had a perfect line/bruise right above his eyebrow. It just looked like a vein though and was no big deal. Then on Sunday before I was getting ready to leave I was hiding under a blanket crawling around chasing Deac. Hallie decided she wanted to play with us and I could hear her coming. I turned around quickly to chase her and smacked heads with her hard enough it hurt my head. She had a golf ball sized goose egg on her forehead and wouldn't let me hold her or get close to her for like a half hour. I felt so bad, way to go aunt Shawnee.

Jordie took some pictures of the cute Vickery family.

And even though I was nervous about it I took some pictures for the Sessions. Whit and Aaron had a meeting so Hallie was with us too. She was so good. I would sit her down and tell her she needed to stay there, pop a chocolate chip in her mouth and she never moved. After a while she would just ask for more, "chocack".

The Deacster is definitely hard to photograph though. When he was smiling he wasn't looking at the camera, and most of the time he was just trying to throw rocks in the river.

Sunday morning Emma did drive out to hang out with us and to take a shower. I almost started crying when I saw the truck drive up thinking they had all come to Whit's for the day and that Austin was there. Then I saw that Emma was the only one in the truck and then was really ready to bawl because he wasn't there.

Emmy got to hang out with the kiddos for a little bit.

Meanwhile I headed home that evening without ever seeing my cute hubby.

Side note: I did get pulled over on my way home. I haven't been pulled over since we were dating. I can't believe how nervous I got when the officer was standing there. Before this time I never have been upset until after they give me the ticket and I drive away. However, this time my hands were actually shaking so much I dropped my insurance card. He asked why I was going so fast and I told him my husband was hunting and I wanted to get home before it was too late since I was all by myself. When he came back to the car without a ticket and just told me to slow down I was so grateful I almost started crying. I have actually never driven away with just a warning before.

If only mom and the cute Hanson couple could have been there it would have been the Green family reunion round 2.

Aren't they funny though.....who adds ducks to a family picture. Can't wait to see everybody for Thanksgiving.

2010-11-13T17:11:00.003-07:00

5:08 p.m.

Nothing like an unexpected knock on the door and ring of the doorbell to make someone jump out of their skin. And I am not embarrassed to say I hid in the bathroom for a good couple of minutes. As I said earlier I have been in my bathrobe and sweatpants all day and was not presentable in any way shape or form.

I think I've been home by myself long enough. Apparently I am getting way to jumpy. I'm sure watching an episode of Ghost Hunters didn't help. What can I say.....I'm bored.

2010-11-13T16:34:00.004-07:00

4:32 Saturday Afternoon

Still haven't heard from Austin. I really hope he got something because the meat would be awesome. However I really wish he was home. I think I'm starting to got a little crazy.....or maybe I've just been so lazy today I don't know what to do with myself. I have been in a bathrobe and sweatpants all day.

One day I hope to be as clever a parent......

2010-11-11T22:29:00.010-07:00

"Both of you.....kennel now."

And I remember thinking how awful I thought it was when my dad used to send us on a walk to the top of the field holding hands. It was such a long walk back then.

But a dog kennel, talk about getting-to-know-you time.

It just makes me laugh.

2010-11-11T22:18:00.004-07:00

Once again I am home alone. Austin is hunting again....and this time he has promised me he will shoot the first elk he sees and that he'll be home by noon on Saturday. Is his motivation to come home and spend the remainder of the weekend with his totally awesome wife, or to be back in time to watch the high school football playoff game? Let's just say he's coming home for me and that the game is a perk. I'll just keep telling myself that.

However, I plan to be super productive this weekend and tackle the desk I purchased at D.I. months ago.

Wish us both luck.

Happy 49th Birthday do my cute dad!

2010-11-05T19:46:00.001-06:00

One day....

2010-11-05T19:42:00.002-06:00

One day I want a huge soaker tub......you know the big kind you can lean back and your feet don't touch the front of the tub. I don't even care if it has jets at this point. I just want to be able to take a bubble bath and have the water come to my shoulders. Is that asking too much?

2010-10-18T13:29:00.002-06:00

Once upon a time, last Wednesday my husband left to go hunting......I really miss him. I haven't even been able to talk to him. I think I'm about to lose it.

Opposition in all things.....

2010-10-09T17:46:00.004-06:00

We have to have the hard days in order to appreciate the goo days right?

Funny how that doesn't mean the hard days get easier....

2010-10-06T23:57:00.003-06:00

I don't think I'll ever get tired of a 4 year old saying,

"I love you Miss Shawnee."

It just never gets old.

I can do hard things.

2010-10-03T13:53:00.006-06:00

Once upon a time I imagined how my life would turn out. I never really said it out loud, but I totally expected my life to mirror my mom's. She was married at twenty, had her five girls by the time she was twenty eight. I still figured I was fine when I married the love of my life at twenty two, I still had lots of time. I have come to realize my life is what my life is, and that I shouldn't compare it to anyone else's.

I believe General Conference is something we always look forward to and that our spirits yearn for. However, for me it has not only been uplifting reminders and gospel teachings, it has been a timely eye opener.

I have heard many talks that have been amazing. But the general spirit of the conference has reminded me that the Lord's plan is so much bigger than me and my small trials. However big they may seem at this time. I have always been taught by my parents that the Lord does not give us trials or struggles we cannot overcome. In a way my trials are tailored to me and the lessons I need to learn and the personal growth that I need to experience. Someone else's trials are not more or less significant, just as mine are.

I feel in certain areas I have let myself become lazy and lax in always striving to make sure I am living the gospel to the fullest. The past two and a half years have been especially hard for me and Austin in trying to figure out how we are supposed to get our cute little family here and started. I think I have become overwhelmed at times and it was easier to let more worldly things slip in in order to dim or lessen the pain. But I now realize all that I allowed was less opportunity for the spirit to guide and bless my life. In trying to dull the hurt, pain and longing I have not allowed the one person who knows my exact feelings all the opportunity to comfort and bless me, the Savior. Why not look for comfort and guidance in places that are true and lasting?

....I, Nephi will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance. - 1 Nephi 1:20

"....I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord's timing of his tender mercies helps us both to discern and acknowledge them.

The Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving kindness, consolation, support and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.

Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord's timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings.

The simpleness, the sweetness, and the consistency of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live."

-Elder David A. Bednar

I do not doubt I will be a mother, and be blessed to have little spirits in my home to love, cuddle and bring the joy only a child can. But I cannot control how or when that will happen. It seems that time and time again I have to be reminded and come to the realization that the Lord's time table does not always match up with ours. I am not sure why I have to continually learn this lesson. Once we are able to turn our fears into faith our outlook and attitude can greatly change.

I have been continually amazed to read the Sullenger family's blog. I have been inspired and touched by their unyielding faith and testimonies. I was especially touched by her post titled, "I can do hard things". I can not even begin to imagine the circumstances and experiences they have recently gone through, but I am so grateful for their story, it has touched me in ways I wouldn't have guessed or imagined. It as taught me that in my own little insignificant life....

I can do hard things.

I remember being in high school and coming across several scriptures in Alma. It was not only the message I was searching for at that particular time, it has also been a guides and scripture have turned back to time and time again.

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things.....Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God....yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God...."

I can do hard things.

I am so excited to be able to read and get into several talks I have heard over this last conference.....President Uchtdorf's talk on simplifying or lives as well as President Monson's talk on having an attitude of gratitude. I truly have so many things to be grateful for, and in an unexpected way infertility has been one of them. I have learned so many things about myself, my husband, family, and the importance of Heavenly Father's plan. I know that when I put my complete faith and trust in Him, my life is full of nothing but blessings.....even if they seem to be in disguise.

"Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment..."

2010-10-02T18:44:00.002-06:00

Just curious if any other wives were asked to text their husbands football score updates periodically.....during the priesthood session. I am married to a fabulous and funny man.

Look Alike.....

2010-09-28T21:59:00.004-06:00

So tonight our doorbell rang. Austin answered and a cute little boy (approximately 6-7 years old) was on our doorstep with his dad. He was getting pledges for his school walk-a-thon. I was in the kitchen and missed most of the conversation. However, when I came back in the room Austin was grinning from ear to ear. He asked if I had heard what the boy said to him. I told him I had missed it.

He looked up at Austin and said, "Wow. You look like John Cena."

It definitely isn't the first time someone has said that to Aust. But it sure does boost his ego a little. Personally I think he's hotter than John Cena.......just saying.

2010-09-26T23:58:00.005-06:00

Fun to visit family.......but so nice to be home.

(Being in the car for long periods of time makes me a little bit crazy. Austin had to buy me a book on the way to ensure I didn't sing any more preschool songs. Who doesn't love sining "shoo fly don't bother me" or "the five power letters" over, and over, and over?)

Sisters....

2010-09-24T00:53:00.007-06:00

I am so blessed to have four beautiful younger sisters. I used to say little sisters until they all passed me up in the height department. I just saw this picture of Jordie and thought she looked so pretty, I started thinking about all of them, and got a little homesick for our old bedroom.... There's nothing like 5 twin beds all lined up in a row, seven brides' style. Pushing all the beds together on Christmas Eve. Giggling until dad was at the bottom of the stairs giving out warnings. Pillow fights resulting in busted ceiling fans, everybody trying to scare Jordie, saving Emma after a bad dream. I could go on and on.

It really is awesome to have your sisters as best friends. It was totally worth all the screaming matches, clothes borrowing, and empty threats, etc, etc.

Bottom line.....I love my sisters.

2010-09-23T23:44:00.002-06:00

Kelli emailed me this picture today.....some of my favorite little nieces, Kate & Hallie. Aren't they so dang cute!

I wish I could see all of them more often.

2010-09-21T20:21:00.010-06:00

I got a phone call today on my lunch break from the Vickery house. When I said, "hello" one of my favorite little voices said, "hello" back. I then found out my amazing mom and little niece Hallie will be coming to spend a week at my house at the end of October.

How can you not have fun with someone as cute as this?

We love having family and friends visit (hint hint). It is always fun to have something on the calendar to look forward to......

So don't hesitate to call us today and schedule a visit. I just realized coming to visit us in Idaho is beginning to sound a little like an infomercial.

2010-09-14T21:06:00.006-06:00

Kelsee just send me these pictures from the family reunion. They are not super flattering of me, but they are funny.

Pretty sure someone taught Deacon how to roar really loud, I was just trying to help the process along.....but check out the Deacster's face, so cute. Plus, Hallie looks a little unsure of us as well.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger......

2010-09-07T22:02:00.004-06:00

I have been struggling the past little while. It's hard to explain exactly, but it seems like when you think nothing could get worse or more complicated life throws a curve ball.

It is on days like this I am grateful for for an amazing supportive husband. I always get a phone call on my way to work telling me he hopes I have a great day. I talked to him several times today and he could definitely tell I was at the end of my rope. I came home today to an adorable arrangement of daisies and a cute card. He had come home from work early, straightened up the house and loaded the dishwasher.

I am also super grateful for a mother who is always ready and willing to let me talk her ear off. She is such a good listener and always seems to have just the answer I needed. Besides my kiddos at work Austin and my mom were the people I talked to the most today.....and I definitely needed both of them.