Once upon a time I imagined how my life would turn out. I never really said it out loud, but I totally expected my life to mirror my mom's. She was married at twenty, had her five girls by the time she was twenty eight. I still figured I was fine when I married the love of my life at twenty two, I still had lots of time. I have come to realize my life is what my life is, and that I shouldn't compare it to anyone else's.
I believe General Conference is something we always look forward to and that our spirits yearn for. However, for me it has not only been uplifting reminders and gospel teachings, it has been a timely eye opener.
I have heard many talks that have been amazing. But the general spirit of the conference has reminded me that the Lord's plan is so much bigger than me and my small trials. However big they may seem at this time. I have always been taught by my parents that the Lord does not give us trials or struggles we cannot overcome. In a way my trials are tailored to me and the lessons I need to learn and the personal growth that I need to experience. Someone else's trials are not more or less significant, just as mine are.
I feel in certain areas I have let myself become lazy and lax in always striving to make sure I am living the gospel to the fullest. The past two and a half years have been especially hard for me and Austin in trying to figure out how we are supposed to get our cute little family here and started. I think I have become overwhelmed at times and it was easier to let more worldly things slip in in order to dim or lessen the pain. But I now realize all that I allowed was less opportunity for the spirit to guide and bless my life. In trying to dull the hurt, pain and longing I have not allowed the one person who knows my exact feelings all the opportunity to comfort and bless me, the Savior. Why not look for comfort and guidance in places that are true and lasting?
....I, Nephi will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance. - 1 Nephi 1:20
"....I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord's timing of his tender mercies helps us both to discern and acknowledge them.
The Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving kindness, consolation, support and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.
Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord's timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings.
The simpleness, the sweetness, and the consistency of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live."
-Elder David A. Bednar
I do not doubt I will be a mother, and be blessed to have little spirits in my home to love, cuddle and bring the joy only a child can. But I cannot control how or when that will happen. It seems that time and time again I have to be reminded and come to the realization that the Lord's time table does not always match up with ours. I am not sure why I have to continually learn this lesson. Once we are able to turn our fears into faith our outlook and attitude can greatly change.
I have been continually amazed to read the Sullenger family's blog. I have been inspired and touched by their unyielding faith and testimonies. I was especially touched by her post titled, "I can do hard things". I can not even begin to imagine the circumstances and experiences they have recently gone through, but I am so grateful for their story, it has touched me in ways I wouldn't have guessed or imagined. It as taught me that in my own little insignificant life....
I can do hard things.
I remember being in high school and coming across several scriptures in Alma. It was not only the message I was searching for at that particular time, it has also been a guides and scripture have turned back to time and time again.
"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things.....Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God....yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God...."
I can do hard things.
I am so excited to be able to read and get into several talks I have heard over this last conference.....President Uchtdorf's talk on simplifying or lives as well as President Monson's talk on having an attitude of gratitude. I truly have so many things to be grateful for, and in an unexpected way infertility has been one of them. I have learned so many things about myself, my husband, family, and the importance of Heavenly Father's plan. I know that when I put my complete faith and trust in Him, my life is full of nothing but blessings.....even if they seem to be in disguise.
"Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment..."