Once upon a time, last Wednesday my husband left to go hunting......I really miss him. I haven't even been able to talk to him. I think I'm about to lose it.

Opposition in all things.....

We have to have the hard days in order to appreciate the goo days right?

Funny how that doesn't mean the hard days get easier....

I don't think I'll ever get tired of a 4 year old saying,

"I love you Miss Shawnee."

It just never gets old.

I can do hard things.

Once upon a time I imagined how my life would turn out. I never really said it out loud, but I totally expected my life to mirror my mom's. She was married at twenty, had her five girls by the time she was twenty eight. I still figured I was fine when I married the love of my life at twenty two, I still had lots of time. I have come to realize my life is what my life is, and that I shouldn't compare it to anyone else's.

I believe General Conference is something we always look forward to and that our spirits yearn for. However, for me it has not only been uplifting reminders and gospel teachings, it has been a timely eye opener.

I have heard many talks that have been amazing. But the general spirit of the conference has reminded me that the Lord's plan is so much bigger than me and my small trials. However big they may seem at this time. I have always been taught by my parents that the Lord does not give us trials or struggles we cannot overcome. In a way my trials are tailored to me and the lessons I need to learn and the personal growth that I need to experience. Someone else's trials are not more or less significant, just as mine are.

I feel in certain areas I have let myself become lazy and lax in always striving to make sure I am living the gospel to the fullest. The past two and a half years have been especially hard for me and Austin in trying to figure out how we are supposed to get our cute little family here and started. I think I have become overwhelmed at times and it was easier to let more worldly things slip in in order to dim or lessen the pain. But I now realize all that I allowed was less opportunity for the spirit to guide and bless my life. In trying to dull the hurt, pain and longing I have not allowed the one person who knows my exact feelings all the opportunity to comfort and bless me, the Savior. Why not look for comfort and guidance in places that are true and lasting?

....I, Nephi will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance. - 1 Nephi 1:20

"....I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord's timing of his tender mercies helps us both to discern and acknowledge them.

The Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving kindness, consolation, support and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.

Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord's timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings.

The simpleness, the sweetness, and the consistency of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live."

-Elder David A. Bednar

I do not doubt I will be a mother, and be blessed to have little spirits in my home to love, cuddle and bring the joy only a child can. But I cannot control how or when that will happen. It seems that time and time again I have to be reminded and come to the realization that the Lord's time table does not always match up with ours. I am not sure why I have to continually learn this lesson. Once we are able to turn our fears into faith our outlook and attitude can greatly change.

I have been continually amazed to read the Sullenger family's blog. I have been inspired and touched by their unyielding faith and testimonies. I was especially touched by her post titled, "I can do hard things". I can not even begin to imagine the circumstances and experiences they have recently gone through, but I am so grateful for their story, it has touched me in ways I wouldn't have guessed or imagined. It as taught me that in my own little insignificant life....

I can do hard things.

I remember being in high school and coming across several scriptures in Alma. It was not only the message I was searching for at that particular time, it has also been a guides and scripture have turned back to time and time again.

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things.....Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God....yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God...."

I can do hard things.

I am so excited to be able to read and get into several talks I have heard over this last conference.....President Uchtdorf's talk on simplifying or lives as well as President Monson's talk on having an attitude of gratitude. I truly have so many things to be grateful for, and in an unexpected way infertility has been one of them. I have learned so many things about myself, my husband, family, and the importance of Heavenly Father's plan. I know that when I put my complete faith and trust in Him, my life is full of nothing but blessings.....even if they seem to be in disguise.

"Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment..."

Just curious if any other wives were asked to text their husbands football score updates periodically.....during the priesthood session. I am married to a fabulous and funny man.

Look Alike.....

So tonight our doorbell rang. Austin answered and a cute little boy (approximately 6-7 years old) was on our doorstep with his dad. He was getting pledges for his school walk-a-thon. I was in the kitchen and missed most of the conversation. However, when I came back in the room Austin was grinning from ear to ear. He asked if I had heard what the boy said to him. I told him I had missed it.

He looked up at Austin and said, "Wow. You look like John Cena."

It definitely isn't the first time someone has said that to Aust. But it sure does boost his ego a little. Personally I think he's hotter than John Cena.......just saying.

Fun to visit family.......but so nice to be home.

(Being in the car for long periods of time makes me a little bit crazy. Austin had to buy me a book on the way to ensure I didn't sing any more preschool songs. Who doesn't love sining "shoo fly don't bother me" or "the five power letters" over, and over, and over?)

Sisters....

I am so blessed to have four beautiful younger sisters. I used to say little sisters until they all passed me up in the height department. I just saw this picture of Jordie and thought she looked so pretty, I started thinking about all of them, and got a little homesick for our old bedroom.... There's nothing like 5 twin beds all lined up in a row, seven brides' style. Pushing all the beds together on Christmas Eve. Giggling until dad was at the bottom of the stairs giving out warnings. Pillow fights resulting in busted ceiling fans, everybody trying to scare Jordie, saving Emma after a bad dream. I could go on and on.

It really is awesome to have your sisters as best friends. It was totally worth all the screaming matches, clothes borrowing, and empty threats, etc, etc.

Bottom line.....I love my sisters.