"The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead."
Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


Our new bishop and second counselor came over last night to visit with us for a little while. The conversation was fun and we were able to talk about the connections we have with the Bishop's family in Utah. We talked a lot about politics and Austin's new job. It was all going okay until the bishop asked me what I would be doing. I feel like I usually handle these questions with relative ease, but for whatever reason I just didn't want to explain the whole situation again. I stammered and stuttered that I didn't know what I would be doing, trying to justify why I didn't need to have a full time job right now. In all reality I probably only stammered for seconds.....but it felt like I'd been carrying on for a half hour. Finally I looked to Austin to "save me". He quickly explained we'd been having a hard time getting pregnant and that I would probably be staying home in order to have time to figure things out. He told them we'd been getting set up for adoption through LDS Family Services before we'd left Idaho and that we'd been thinking lately about foster care.

I was so surprised with myself. I feel like I usually can quickly explain the situation with ease and not really show any emotion or the stress I feel. As they were leaving the bishop shared a scripture with us. I have heard it before, but I think it took on new meaning for me last night.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:

and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's hard when you see young families playing together. Sometimes it's hard when a child at school calls you, "mom" instead of, "Miss Shawnee". Sometimes it's hard when people tell you they know how you feel because they know someone who knew someone who had the "exact" same problem. Sometimes it's hard when people are shocked you aren't working full time. Sometimes it's hard and you don't go to Sacrament Meeting on Mothers' Day Sunday because you don't want to be given the potted plant because "someday you will be a mother". Sometimes people tell you, "Don't do foster care. Some of those kids come with a lot of baggage. It would be super hard." Don't those kids need someone to love them? I know all the sometimes will pass, and my time will come. I am willing to wait, but if in the meantime all I am doing is waiting, am I showing faith?

Someday all my sometimes will go away. And in the mean time, I may not be working full time.....please don't judge me. If I work full time, all my sometimes will remain "sometimes" and being a mother will always be "someday".

President Monson gave a talk titled Showing the Love in Your Heart

Love causes change. Love brings healing to the soul. But love doesn't grow like weeds or fall like rain.

Jesus taught, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another". (John 13:34)

...Love had three different meanings: (1) It is a feeling in your heart. (2) It is a word you can say. (3) It is an action. The best way to show the love you feel in your heart is to tell others you love them and do something nice for them too.

It may not make sense to some. If I am working full time, yes I may be bringing in a pay check, but I can't put the time and effort into doctor's appointments, researching the best way to either get pregnant or finding other ways to build our family. But by me staying home, at least part time, I feel I am showing my love and a little bit of faith to my Heavenly Father, my husband, and my future family because I am doing all I can in order to get my future family here.


sharon said...

Well put Shawn. I love you guys!

Laura G said...

Shawnee--I think you are amazing!!! Your post brought me to tears. I hope by staying home that you find success in your situation. I love that scripture your Bishop shared. Thinking about you. Good luck in your new place.

Shane and McKenzee said...

I love you and want to be your best friend. 801-792-4288 text me your number

Colby and Cayley said...

Good for you! I can tell this came straight from your heart and it's something people need to hear. I know you'll figure it out and your day will come because of your dedication and faithfulness. Sometimes you might not feel like you are having faith, but in reality just your determination to find a way is how you are being faithful. And you have to allow yourself to accept that it's ok not to be the happy-go-lucky person when you don't feel like it. There are going to be bad days and you are going to feel depressed, and that's OK. You just have to somehow keep the ball rolling, do what you can, and find happiness in the little things. People look up to you just for the fact of what you are experiencing. You're a strong woman and I know you'll figure out what's best for you and Austin. Keep it up.......my prayers are with you :)

Matt and Jess said...

Very well said. I wish you guys the best, and hope there are no set backs with moving states and the adoption process.

Kelli said...

Well said...we love you guys! I don't think anyone can or should judge you because no one can know how you feel or what you have been through. You know we are here for you!

Irene said...

as with everyone else, I agree that it was well said. I love you Shawnee and only want the best for you and Austin. I pray for you often and for the record I think you are doing the best thing. You've thought it through. :)