Our new bishop and second counselor came over last night to visit with us for a little while. The conversation was fun and we were able to talk about the connections we have with the Bishop's family in Utah. We talked a lot about politics and Austin's new job. It was all going okay until the bishop asked me what I would be doing. I feel like I usually handle these questions with relative ease, but for whatever reason I just didn't want to explain the whole situation again. I stammered and stuttered that I didn't know what I would be doing, trying to justify why I didn't need to have a full time job right now. In all reality I probably only stammered for seconds.....but it felt like I'd been carrying on for a half hour. Finally I looked to Austin to "save me". He quickly explained we'd been having a hard time getting pregnant and that I would probably be staying home in order to have time to figure things out. He told them we'd been getting set up for adoption through LDS Family Services before we'd left Idaho and that we'd been thinking lately about foster care.
I was so surprised with myself. I feel like I usually can quickly explain the situation with ease and not really show any emotion or the stress I feel. As they were leaving the bishop shared a scripture with us. I have heard it before, but I think it took on new meaning for me last night.
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's hard when you see young families playing together. Sometimes it's hard when a child at school calls you, "mom" instead of, "Miss Shawnee". Sometimes it's hard when people tell you they know how you feel because they know someone who knew someone who had the "exact" same problem. Sometimes it's hard when people are shocked you aren't working full time. Sometimes it's hard and you don't go to Sacrament Meeting on Mothers' Day Sunday because you don't want to be given the potted plant because "someday you will be a mother". Sometimes people tell you, "Don't do foster care. Some of those kids come with a lot of baggage. It would be super hard." Don't those kids need someone to love them? I know all the sometimes will pass, and my time will come. I am willing to wait, but if in the meantime all I am doing is waiting, am I showing faith?
Someday all my sometimes will go away. And in the mean time, I may not be working full time.....please don't judge me. If I work full time, all my sometimes will remain "sometimes" and being a mother will always be "someday".
President Monson gave a talk titled Showing the Love in Your Heart
Love causes change. Love brings healing to the soul. But love doesn't grow like weeds or fall like rain.
Jesus taught, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another". (John 13:34)
...Love had three different meanings: (1) It is a feeling in your heart. (2) It is a word you can say. (3) It is an action. The best way to show the love you feel in your heart is to tell others you love them and do something nice for them too.
It may not make sense to some. If I am working full time, yes I may be bringing in a pay check, but I can't put the time and effort into doctor's appointments, researching the best way to either get pregnant or finding other ways to build our family. But by me staying home, at least part time, I feel I am showing my love and a little bit of faith to my Heavenly Father, my husband, and my future family because I am doing all I can in order to get my future family here.